I have been trying to make a new album now for a while. For about 2 years I have failed at making a variety of EP’s and musical projects. One included a musical and one was creating a new musical name and alter ego.
Since my last album ‘Unwind’ (which I was really proud of) I have been unable to make anything more than single tracks it seems. Yes I made a christmas EP and a 24 hour EP but they felt like challenges and were not fulfilling in the scheme of things.
I also tried my hardest to get to grips with electronic music and production. I have always had a soft spot for electronics, mainly ambient stuff, and wanted to incorporate that into my own songs. I had always messed around with electronics but wanted to be better. So i spent lots of time practising and making instrumental tracks and learning new music software and buying a new midi keyboard. And so I feel like I am now more capable at making electronic music. So much so that I barely use my guitar anymore when recording tracks. I play it all the time and write songs with it but hardly seem to use it when actually recording.
Anyway since I started university I tried to start a new album. I wanted it to be mainly electronic and sound very slick. I wanted it to be more mature, darker and ‘cooler’ than previous work I did. I didn’t want to hide behind a guitar and write folk songs anymore but try and be more confident and sing falsetto over electronic drums and synths and not clunky guitar playing.
Anyway it was going really well and I was making a lot of material and at the moment I have about 35 minutes worth of songs (so enough to call it an album if I wanted), but I want to reach the 40-50 minute range.
But anyway I think I have overworked myself. I feel very stressed and confused about this whole project and it makes me want to give up on it. I put it in SO many hours and I just feel like its a waste. Who is going to listen to this? Why would anyone? My last album did enough to make me feel like it was worth it. It was reviewed by two small music websites and one of the songs was featured on a small website as freebie of the week or something. Also one song was used by a popular female youtuber in a video and so that song got lots of attention because of it. Because of that song someone made a Last.fm account for Solo Project and the song was featured on a few mixes on 8tracks. Anyway it didn’t get too many listens or downloads as a whole and also the tracks near the end of the album had hardly any plays. So i assume most people never heard the whole thing. But still I can’t complain! I just feel like this album has been harder to make and taken longer and I have put lots of pressure on myself to complete it. So it is bound to be a disappointment. I just don’t know why anyone will want to listen to it, bar a few close friends etc. The songs are all quite long and many are quite slow. It is simple drums and odd synths. I wanted to make an album that dark but also you could dance too but i doubt I have done that.
I’m just stressed out about it all. Seems like its being done for nothing. But then I guess any artistic venture like this feels the same when you have no real audience. It’s the same when making a new short film or writing a script. It can feel useless because you haven’t got a guarantee people will see it.
I want to get this album done but recently everything I have tried to make has been shitty in my eyes. My voice has been bad and my lyrics even worse. I guess I am proud of the songs I have so far but I don’t know if they will all work together. It would be great to get the album finished before going back to university but who knows if that will happen. And i doubt anyone from university will listen to it either.
I think I want to call it Panda Hat, which makes the chances of people downloading or listening even worse! It’s a stupid name so i dont know why I have grown attached to it.
Anyway.. I just had to vent and let off some steam. Haven’t been in the best mood for the last few days and all of this hasn’t helped. Music should help me out when I feel bad not make things worse. So yeah…I have a new album coming out soon and I doubt people will listen to it or like it. I know you should make things for yourself and not for others but.. it sure does feel nice when others seem to like what you have done.